For a long time, I have set aside writing, because I felt like it was pointless. I would think about writing and say to myself "there are so many, many others who speak far better than me, who's thoughts are more important than mine. Why would anyone care to read what I have to say? Why would I bother?" These are the thoughts that have played through my mind since last summer.
I've had a hard time for quite a while seeing myself as God sees me. I know that God loves me. But I also know that I have moments where I can't see as clearly as I'd like. For me, I guess writing is a way for me to feel like I have a place, like I have a say. I can be a very reserved person and a very private person at times, but I also have stories and lessons that I've learned that I love to share with others if given the opportunity to share, but often set it aside thinking "why does it matter?"
I am very aware of others and I care if they are having a difficult time or if I can do something to help. And in being so aware of others and their feelings, I tend to worry about every little thing I say. I never want to offend or make someone feel like they aren't wanted or important. I often feel that when I speak, it's just not good enough or I feel misunderstood. But I also know, where it is important to care for others, it is important to care for myself. I neglect myself and my feelings a lot more than I would like and sometimes I may focus too much on myself.
There is a fine balance is caring for others and caring for yourself. If you can't love yourself, you can't truly love others. It is even a commandment to love yourself. "Love thy neighbor as thyself..." is as the scripture says. When we are able to truly love ourselves, then we can truly love others. This is my lifelong goal. To truly love myself and see myself as God sees me so that I may be able to truly love others and be the Lord's hands when I am needed.
I guess that's why I stopped writing. I felt like what I had to say wasn't good enough...for others. But I couldn't really see that what was most important was writing just for me. Writing is good therapy and I stopped my therapy, because I lost sight of who I am as a person and who I am to God. I guess it's time for me to stop worrying so much about what others may think of me and just keep moving forward as...Jessica, as me. :) Besides, God knows my heart, he knows me better than anyone. Satan is the one who pushes those nasty thoughts into my mind. So, why do I let him in?
I'm not perfect. No one is. It's a battle that we are all fighting. Good vs. Evil. And when we are progressing and doing as God would have us do, Satan fights even harder to drag us down, to make us feel lower than ever. I know that as I do those things the Lord would have me do, Satan has no power over me. Studying the Scriptures daily, going to the temple as often as I can, praying to my Father in Heaven and so many, many more things, are the things that provide me with the protection that I need. There is a song that I probably listen to at least once a day called "My Story," by Big Daddy Weave. It brings me a lot of comfort as well as motivates me to keep moving forward, to keep Christ as the center of my life.
If you were to hear my story, I would have no doubt that you would hear hope that wouldn't let go, love that never gave up and life. You would hear victory over the enemy, you would hear freedom that was won for me and life overcome the grave. Christ is in every aspect of my life and has been there every step of the way.
If it weren't for him, I would be lost. I would not be able to find peace, I would not be able to step out of my comfort zone and write my thoughts like this. I would not be able to live again. But because of him I can say, with all of my heart, Hallelujah!! I can live again, just as he did and does. I know Christ lives and I know that he loves me! Because of him I can find joy and happiness in any circumstance. Because of him I can see clearly and have a knowledge of truth. Because of him I can know who I am. I know the Gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored to this earth and because of him I can know that I am important! I love my Savior!
These are my thoughts today that I felt the need to share and I hope that you can just know that life is so good and the Lord love you! Things may be hard and trials will come, but that's how we grow and as we lean on the Lord, as is well!
Hallelujah!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIHmYBKkGa8
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