August 29, 2014

Thank You Mr. Gardner, For Loving Me Enough To Cut Me Down

One of my favorite Mormon Messages is called "The Will of God."  This is a powerful message each time I watch it.  It is a good reminder to me that Heavenly Father knows and understands me.  He loves me so much that sometimes it may even mean cutting me down so that I can grow in the way that will be best for me. 

I feel like I've had so many experiences over the past few years to where the lord has helped me to understand lessons that have brought me to where I am today.

When we moved to Guatemala I struggled with my self-esteem, but I learned how to love myself better, because I stood out and there was no way I was ever going to be like the people around me.  So I had to learn to embrace it.  But in coming back to Utah, I didn't think I would struggle as much as I did with my self-esteem.  I have never felt so low and horrible about myself in my life, but the time that we've been here I've come to understand why I've felt the way I have and have come to love myself more and more every day. 

You see the Lord had to show me that even though I learned a great deal about loving myself in a different country, I only understood a piece of it.  He had to cut me down in order for me to see and understand the things that I need to do to become who I want to be and truly love myself.

 I've still got a ways to go, but I've never felt happier.  It's a blessing to have those moments where the Lord takes a hard thing and turns it into a great learning and growing experience. 

I know that our Father in Heaven wants us to love ourselves.  He wants us to come to understand those things that are bothering us and he wants us to be happy.  It may not seem like it at times, but he does want us to be happy.  It doesn't mean that it will happen the way we would want or expect, but in cutting us down we become better, stronger and happier than ever before.  We will find ourselves saying "Thank You Mr. Gardner, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me."

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