Hallelujah!!

I feel the need to write today. I'm not really sure about what, but I just know I need to.

For a long time, I have set aside writing, because I felt like it was pointless. I would think about writing and say to myself "there are so many, many others who speak far better than me, who's thoughts are more important than mine. Why would anyone care to read what I have to say? Why would I bother?" These are the thoughts that have played through my mind since last summer.

I've had a hard time for quite a while seeing myself as God sees me. I know that God loves me. But I also know that I have moments where I can't see as clearly as I'd like.  For me, I guess writing is a way for me to feel like I have a place, like I have a say. I can be a very reserved person and a very private person at times, but I also have stories and lessons that I've learned that I love to share with others if given the opportunity to share, but often set it aside thinking "why does it matter?"

I am very aware of others and I care if they are having a difficult time or if I can do something to help. And in being so aware of others and their feelings, I tend to worry about every little thing I say. I never want to offend or make someone feel like they aren't wanted or important. I often feel that when I speak, it's just not good enough or I feel misunderstood. But I also know, where it is important to care for others, it is important to care for myself.  I neglect myself and my feelings a lot more than I would like and sometimes I may focus too much on myself.

There is a fine balance is caring for others and caring for yourself.  If you can't love yourself, you can't truly love others. It is even a commandment to love yourself.  "Love thy neighbor as thyself..." is as the scripture says.  When we are able to truly love ourselves, then we can truly love others. This is my lifelong goal. To truly love myself and see myself as God sees me so that I may be able to truly love others and be the Lord's hands when I am needed.

I guess that's why I stopped writing. I felt like what I had to say wasn't good enough...for others. But I couldn't really see that what was most important was writing just for me.  Writing is good therapy and I stopped my therapy, because I lost sight of who I am as a person and who I am to God.  I guess it's time for me to stop worrying so much about what others may think of me and just keep moving forward as...Jessica, as me. :)  Besides, God knows my heart, he knows me better than anyone. Satan is the one who pushes those nasty thoughts into my mind. So, why do I let him in?

I'm not perfect. No one is. It's a battle that we are all fighting. Good vs. Evil. And when we are progressing and doing as God would have us do, Satan fights even harder to drag us down, to make us feel lower than ever. I know that as I do those things the Lord would have me do, Satan has no power over me. Studying the Scriptures daily, going to the temple as often as I can, praying to my Father in Heaven and so many, many more things, are the things that provide me with the protection that I need.

There is a song that I probably listen to at least once a day called "My Story," by Big Daddy Weave.  It brings me a lot of comfort as well as motivates me to keep moving forward, to keep Christ as the center of my life.

If you were to hear my story, I would have no doubt that you would hear hope that wouldn't let go, love that never gave up and life. You would hear victory over the enemy, you would hear freedom that was won for me and life overcome the grave. Christ is in every aspect of my life and has been there every step of the way.

If it weren't for him, I would be lost. I would not be able to find peace, I would not be able to step out of my comfort zone and write my thoughts like this.  I would not be able to live again. But because of him I can say, with all of my heart, Hallelujah!! I can live again, just as he did and does.  I know Christ lives and I know that he loves me! Because of him I can find joy and happiness in any circumstance. Because of him I can see clearly and have a knowledge of truth. Because of him I can know who I am. I know the Gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored to this earth and because of him I can know that I am important! I love my Savior!

These are my thoughts today that I felt the need to share and I hope that you can just know that life is so good and the Lord love you! Things may be hard and trials will come, but that's how we grow and as we lean on the Lord, as is well!

Hallelujah!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIHmYBKkGa8

In All Things Give Thanks

 

Coming home from my morning workout, I was thinking about all the things that I have, all the things I am so blessed to have and been given.

I was looking back at my time is Guatemala, a time that I hold so dear to my heart. I found myself being reminded of what it was like to move back to the United States from a place that was so beautiful and had such a sweet spirit about it, to the state that I called home, Utah.

Recently, we have been thinking about upgrading to a larger apartment. I have found myself longing for more. More space, a separate living room and kitchen space, 3 bedrooms, more storage...the list goes on and on. But as I was pondering on moving from our little 2 bedroom apartment, I found myself longing not to go, but to stay.

It's funny, because we wouldn't move far, just a few stairwells over if we were to move, but there is something about this small space that I am so truly grateful for.

 

You see, when we lived in Guatemala we lived practically outside. It is hard to explain, but it was nothing like your American home. Cement walls, 3 rooms & a bathroom connected to your outdoor "living room" space, a Pila (sink/washing machine), improvised kitchen with a 2 burner gas stove, mini fridge with the door falling off, a bathroom with a door that never shuts and neighbors above and below watching your every move. That was was where lived.

Don't get me wrong the place we lived, was just a place, but the land we lived in...was unbelievably breathtaking.  We lived among the people and despite how hard it was at times...it was the best experience of my life.

Moving back, we found student housing at the U of U and applied for a 2 bedroom apartment. Within a week we had a place to live, but we never got to see it before we moved in, so we were relying completely on faith. ;)

When we arrived in the parking lot of our new apartment complex, we were filled with so much excitement and when we walked inside...we were overjoyed to be here in this small, yet clean and free of insects and creepy crawlers, apartment. ;)

We had very little. We didn't have a bed (just an air mattress with me being 6 months pregnant at the time) and we didn't have furniture. All we had was our suit cases and various other belongings. Yet we were so grateful!!

I look our apartment now and see much more than just things, I see a couch that provides comfort, relaxation and seating when needed. I see a table that allows us to gather together as a family to eat and talk with one another. I see a kitchen, though it is small, allows us to prepare meals, a sink with clean running water that allows us to hydrate whenever we want.

I see beds, that allows us to sleep, relax and get the rest we need to arise refreshed each day. I see the pantry filled with food so that we don't go hungry. I see an oven that we can cook in and make all kinds of wonderful meals. I see walls and a door that provide protection from the elements. I see books that are able to help us learn, grow and enjoy. I see toys that allow my kids to use their imaginations and have fun together. But most of all I see the blessings that Heavenly Father has given to us. All the things we have came from him, especially our apartment. He has blessed us in so many ways and I am can't help, but give thanks to him.

There are so many, many more things that I could say about our simple, little apartment. It truly is a blessing from our Father in Heaven.

We may still move to a larger apartment one day, but for now we will stay in this space. It is beautiful and oh, so wonderful. 

Our sweet, little apartment, isn't so little when you look at the blessings that have been placed all around us. It has what we need and there is so much love here. After all, it is home. :)

Beautiful For Him

 

 

 

 

Music is a powerful thing, a marvelous gift we have been given.  I was preparing for a family BBQ and decided I needed a pick me up so I turned on some music on my YouTube playlist and a song called "Beautiful for Me" by Mercy River came on. It was so beautiful and so perfect for me to hear today. 

 

It talks about us looking in the mirror at our own reflection, picking apart at every detail of ourselves and telling ourselves that we aren't good enough, but there's a whisper and He says:

 

 

Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?
You might agree if you could see what I see, oh
‘Cuz everything about you is incredible
You should have seen me smile the day that I made you
Beautiful for me

 

 

As I listened to these words I found myself crying.  The picture that came to mind was my Heavenly Father reaching out to me and saying these words reminding me that he created me and I am perfect to him. 

 

We are so precious to our Heavenly Father. It is something so real and so true.  Why would we say hurtful things about our bodies and about the person we are when this amazing being created us in his image? When he created you his focus was on you. He created you the way he wanted you to be and you are so perfect and so beautiful for him.

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BUjitpDMdY&index=3&list=PLyLkBjwzjyMjpiac-sg1rwYcameC_g3QN

 

 

Beautiful For Me

 

Every girl young and old has to face her own reflection
Twirl around, stare it down
What’s the mirror gonna say
With some luck, you’ll measure up
But you might not hold a candle to the rest
“Is that your best?” says the mirror to the mess
But there’s a whisper in the noise
Can you hear a little voice
and He says

 

Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?
You might agree if you could see what I see, oh
‘Cuz everything about you is incredible
You should have seen me smile the day that I made you
Beautiful for me

 

If it’s true beauty lies in the eye of the beholder
I want my life and what’s inside to give Him something to behold
I want a heart that’s captivating
I wanna hear my Father saying…

 

Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?
You might agree if you could see what I see, oh
‘Cuz everything about you is incredible
You should have seen me smile the day that I made you

 Beautiful for me

Close your eyes
Look inside
Let me see the you that you’ve been trying to hide
Long ago, I made you so very beautiful
So I ought to know you’re beautiful

 

Has anybody told you you’re beautiful?
You might agree if you could see what I see, oh
‘Cuz everything about you is incredible
You should have seen me smile the day that I made you
Beautiful for me
You’re so beautiful
Beautiful for me
So beautiful for me
Has anybody told you?

Z is for Zooming Through Life

"We would do well to slow down a little, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes and truly see the things that matter most."

 

-Dieter F. Uchtdorf



One or our favorite phrases to say in our family is "muy tranquillo" which is Spanish for very relaxed. It is a phrase that we use to calm ourselves down when life gets crazy and we start feeling stressed, especially when we are going somewhere in the car. ;)

 

 



 In Panajachel, Guatemala this was something that people would say often. It is also a way of reminding ourselves not to worry or move so fast that you miss those things that are happening right in front of you and to enjoy every moment.

 

Life can get kind of crazy sometimes and it seems like people are zooming to work, zooming to the grocery store or zooming to make dinner. Sometimes it feels like life gets put on full speed ahead and we forget that some things are just plain more important.

 

 One of the things that I want to always remember throughout my life is just that, to take time to slow down, put down the phone and to see the things in my life that truly matter most. 

 

I want to see the little moments when my daughter sings a song, tells a joke, gives me a hug and dances around being silly. I want to see the little moments when my little boy laughs, takes his first bite of food and takes his first baby steps. I want to be present for the little moments I have to spend with my husband telling stories, dancing in the living room with me and my kids and sitting under the stars eating fudge. These are the moments that I want to be fully present for. These are the things that I will keep with me forever. These are the things that matter most.

 

So, don't zoom through life without taking those precious moments to slow down and truly see the things that matter most. 

 

 

 

 

Here is a video that I love and want to share with you:

 

Moments That Matter Most

 

Y is for You

 

Change the way YOU see things and the things YOU see will change.

- Wayne Dyer

 

 

This Quote is really interesting to me to think about.  I've always been fascinated by Psychology and the way the brain works.  It never ceases to amaze me how much our minds can retain and how much the way we think affects everything we do. 

 

I am reminded of the scripture "For
as [a man] thinketh in his heart, so is he.”

 (Proverbs 23:7)

 

 

 

 

Our thoughts control the way we act, the way we communicate and the way we do things.  For example, in a situation where you may have a neighborhood activity you need to attend but don't really want to, you can moan and groan and say negative things about going or you can choose to enjoy the time getting to know neighbors. 

 

You can choose to be negative about the snowy weather or choose to see it is as a beautiful day. You can look in the mirror and choose to see the flaws in your body or you can choose to see the beautiful person that you are.

 

No matter what it may be, the things we do start with a thought.  Those thoughts can either affect us in a positive or negative way. 

 

I have had many days where I have just wanted to be grouchy and negative, but I never feel that great about life until I make the choice to see

things in my life in a different way.

 

It is, in a sense, having gratitude for the blessings that you have. You can either see the things you don't have or see the things you do. Either way if you change the way YOU see things then the things YOU see will change. The choice is yours.

 

What will YOU choose?

 

 

 



X is for X Marks The Spot

 

"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

Matt 6:21

 

Travis and I watch movies together often and when it's my turn to choose the movie I will usually pick 3 movies to choose from. I try to pick ones that we will both like, but there is usually one specific movie I really want to watch.

 

I may say that I don't mind watching any of them, which I don't most of the time, but there is usually one that I want to watch much more than all the others.

 

So, in recognizing this I decided to pay attention to how I feel when choosing a movie. I noticed which one was more appealing to me and how excited I felt when I looked at the cover of each movie. After noticing how I feel, I can usually come to a conclusion of which one it is that I want to watch most.

 

It may seem like a silly comparison, but for me it has helped me to recognize where my heart truly is in all aspects of my life.

 

 I've learned that instead of saying that I don't care, that I should take a moment to think about how I really feel about each decision and other circumstances that come my way.  

 

More often than not, I have found that when I pay attention to where my heart is, I am more likely to come to a clear understanding of what and how I need to approach each situation.

 

Where my heart is will determine how I approach life and will help me see where my treasure is. In a sense, I will find where X marks the spot. :) 

 

 

 

W is for Whirlwinds

 

I've had a lot of moments in my life where I have wondered why? Why did this have to happen to me? Why now? Could it have been prevented?

It's been almost a month since I broke my foot and it has been a great challenge for me.  I've had to learn how do things so differently than from the way I am use to doing things.  It was a rough few weeks, especially with having the big question on my mind... why? 

Elder Neil L. Andersen said:

 

“Not all the whirlwinds in life are of your own making. Some come because of the wrong choices of others, and some come just because this is mortality. … Challenges will come to you, but as you trust in God, they will strengthen your faith.”

It has brought me much comfort to hear these words from Elder Andersen. Challenges will come, because this is mortality. We are here to learn and grow and to be able to grow we need the whirlwinds of life.

I'm getting this broken foot thing figured out. It's still hard, but I know that as I trust God that he will help me and guide me through it all. I now that these challenges I am facing will not only help me to learn many great lessons, but also will strengthen my faith. 

Whatever whirlwinds are going on in your life right now, remember to trust God and the challenges you face will help you to strengthen your faith.

Life is full of ups and downs, but it is so good. :)